My atheism seemed to be the buzz among friends at the viewing and funeral of a close friend. Conversations around the room were going on in small groups. Every so often the groups would morph as new friends would arrive, and people would move on to see the corpse of our friend.
Three different times, old friends sought me out and quizzed me on my beliefs. “We gotta have lunch!” they’d say. And then the questions would start. “…ssso what’s your thing?? …is it atheist, or agnostic, or what?” I’d explain that the term atheist actually says nothing about what a person believes, and that I prefer the term “non-believer”, both because it’s more accurate, and it’s not a pejorative term like atheist is, to many people.
Every one of these friends was interested in understanding how I arrived at my state. What was it that happened to make me not believe any more? Nobody ever considers that a person can “educate” himself out of an erroneous position, which is what I say happened. Every “happening” along the way just gave me more assurance that I was correct.
In the mormon church it’s considered a virtue to be one who has never questioned the faith. But in conversations on alternatives to faith, people often admit that their lack of experience at pondering or doubting may be a disadvantage to understanding. They don’t realize, nor would they probably accept, that their church upbringing has trained them to accept simple answers and to never dig deeper at entertaining thoughts that “detract from the spirit”, and to avoid pondering alternatives because big brother is ever watching. They’ve been trained to be incurious. Few are readers of literature. They’re commanded to read only things that support their position. Can you say “Fox News?”
So in these situations, with these people, it’s hard to know where to start explaining, because unless they know history and have studied philosophy and its role in understanding civilization, they are ill-equipped to discuss the topic of “being a nonbeliever” without limiting the discussion to my loss of faith. (…while there is so much more to consider!!) So I know that whatever I say, it will take some pondering on their part — which I know from experience will happen after they walk away. So I don’t have a plan on where to start the conversation. I try to answer questions with simple answers or simple questions, and see how it goes. Most of the time, the discovery that i’m a nonbeliever is alarming to people and they want to help. …which would be amusing if it weren’t so pitiful.