CONTEXT: i am venting. i won’t send this. i am writing this, as if to send to someone close to me, following a request not to mock her religious beliefs because I asked how long she thought the blessing she just received would last. The blessing helped her to sleep well.
I’m glad you got a good night’s sleep. You have had such a hard time resting for so many days in a row.
Is it rude to apply logic to perceived actions by the spirit? If the spirit does something, or gets credit for something, is it wrong to examine it in rational terms? If such an action passes rational scrutiny, then it’s an opportunity to learn. if it doesn’t, then aren’t we obligated to look for other causes for what we perceived?
To conclude that all positive occurrences are the cause of God’s intervention sets a very low bar for Him to get credit for everything. And if questioning or examining these, is not accepted, then how can one ever know anything? We’re left with only faith that can’t be questioned. And that leaves us vulnerable to manipulation by anyone who is willing to take advantage of it against us. therefore it’s irresponsible to not question everything. i wish you didn’t see it as a hostile act.
Now, if you really changed following the blessing, I have to conclude that you are vulnerable to the placebo effect. And I wonder if it’s controllable by your will. I have seen your logic in action; that stress caused by people doing things that you don’t like makes you ill, hence, others’ behavior makes you ill. I’ve seen you use this against your children as a cudgel to make them behave, that they’re causing you harm. And I have wondered if your feeling ill is willful or perhaps something like a very dramatic indulgence that you make happen to yourself and allow yourself to suffer through, in order to prove your logic and strengthen your control on their behavior. At times it seems you relish the suffering as you draw it out much longer than seems normal. The word that comes to me is, it’s like an indulgence. And I wonder if it’s your way of confirming your logic that you can control others by your feelings or the threat of making you suffer. If this is the case, it’s bad. It’s self deceptive, not to mention coercive to others.
p.s. Here’s a re-write I left open on my computer; it may be read.
my dear…
i’m glad you got a good night’s sleep. You have had such a hard time resting for so many days in a row.
I wish you didn’t see it as rude to apply logic to perceived actions by the spirit. if the spirit does something, or gets credit for something, is it wrong to examine it in rational terms?
if such an action passes rational scrutiny, then it’s an opportunity to learn. i wish you didn’t see it as a hostile act.
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